Chapter 13: In The Army!

So many exciting new developments in this chapter. Where to begin?

Our narrator of this tale, Curt Owens, the Last Prophet himself, continues to nap in his cold, miserable, leaky farmhouse. In just two days’ time his “brother” is going to come and repossess the house and kick Curt to the curb. Curt dreads this meeting with his “brother” and instead of facing reality, he drifts back to sleep once again, returning to his visions of Plenarius...

Wesley has been working as a cobbler in his dad’s shoe shop. He is now thirty years old. One day this guy named Kerev, a meta-director in the military, shows up at the shop and tells Wesley he must come with him to the military base. He informs Wesley that general Steven needs to speak with him immediately.

They travel to the base, and approach general Steven’s office. COW describes the base thusly: “The entire perimeter was a solid wall of trees, so close together that a raccoon could not fit between.”

Thank goodness, the base is raccoon-proof! Good job, army.

Wesley goes into general Steven’s office, and Steven tells Wesley about a guy named Exoh. Exoh is a Hamartian, living in one of the Hamartian cities on Plenarius, and somehow, he has built up a mech army. Each mech is operated by one pilot and is equipped with fancy shields, weapons, etc. Exoh basically has an army of evil Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, and Plenarius is concerned. Exoh and his MMPRs have already conquered one city.

General Steven then goes on to inform Wesley that Wesley must join them in fighting the Hamartians. But Wesley doesn’t want to because it is not God’s will. Wesley just wants to go home and make some more shoes, geez. But general Steven insists that Wesley join them because... they need Wesley to pilot an amazing ship! The ship is called the Survivor, and Wesley is the only one who can pilot it because... he was the one who translated the operating manual back when he was in college!

General Steven dismisses Wesley, and meta-director Kerev returns to show Wesley the really cool ship. They look at the ship, and it is super cool, but Wesley still doesn’t want to pilot it (even though it would be fun) because it’s not God’s will. Suddenly, Kerev is dismissed by yet another dude (this book is the ultimate sausage fest) and Rezah of the Councils steps out of the shadows to have a word with Wesley.

Rezah begins by asking Wesley if Wesley shares his vision: his vision of peace between the Plenarians and the Hamartians. And Wesley says no. Wesley says peace between the Plenarians and Hamartians is not God’s will. God wants the Hamartians to be destroyed and the Plenarians to be restored.

At this point, Rezah gets pissed off and goes full mustache twirling villain. He sneers repeatedly and tells Wesley that he has to join the army and pilot the Survivor or Wesley’s entire family will be killed. He then goes on to brag about killing the last person who opposed him. And that person was... Terjes, the dumbbell who fell out of the tree! Terjes didn’t FALL out of that tree! He was PUSHED... BY REZAH!

And so, Wesley has no choice but to join the army. But as usual, the Lord is with Wesley, and Wesley is really good being in the army (just like he’s really good at everything else), and Wesley gets promoted to the rank of Really Cool Army Commander Dude within his second year.

This chapter was way too long.

THE TRUTH OF OUR UNIVERSE

(Please do not form a cult.)