Chapter 4: The Two Longest Days
Lucky for us, the two longest days can be condensed into 5 pages.
Curt Owens -- nope -- some guy named... named... *flips through pages* Rakak has arrived at an army encampment, ready to fight the unknown invasion from the north
One of his bunk mates - who is definitely probably not a robot - says "Greetings. What is your name?" That is how I greet other humans as well, since I am a human and not a robot. Humans (like me) like to be greeted and asked their name, and this is an efficient way of completing the procedure.
We learn that Rakak has a speech impediment. After embarrassingly introducing himself as 00130, he realizes he is totally talking to humans - not robots - and says "Oh, in that case, call me, Rakak." Those extra commas are divine inspiration, which is COW's message that Rakak stutters when he talks.
But there are no time for human pleasantries. It is time to march to battle.
But first - a loyalty test! Let's say you are on the battle field and your commander says "[If you] want to leave and head back home, I provide this moment for you to [...] leave peacefully." Do you:
(a) Think "Double you tea eff?"
(b) Leave peacefully
(c) Fall asleep
(a) is the correct answer. Fortunately, some soldiers chose (b) and (c). (Fortunate, because otherwise what we we have to write about in this chapter??) Some soldiers don't think this is a weird question and volunteer to leave. Rakak's friend - we'll call him Sleepy - falls asleep and falls over. The deserters are round up to be shot. Sleepy is also round up with them for... falling asleep? And with him go Rakak's other human friends DumbDumb and The Fool (according to the translation of their names). And with them goes Rakak.
As they are lining up to be executed, Rakak sneaks out his magick Plenarian shield to protect his friends. Good news! He protects himself, Sleepy, and The Fool. DumbDumb is now DeadDead. Should have opted for the XL shield...
The army takes off, and Rakak decides to go and rejoin. The Fool goes with him. Sleepy stays behind to... sleep. Somehow, two of the longest days have passed (if the chapter title is to be trusted, which I absolutely do with complete and blind faith). Once back with the army, they are attacked and pretty much used as toilet paper by the invaders. Rakak got 'sploded!
He should have taken advantage of his opportunity while there was still...
TIME TO TURN BACK
Curt Owens -- nope -- some guy named... named... *flips through pages* Rakak has arrived at an army encampment, ready to fight the unknown invasion from the north
One of his bunk mates - who is definitely probably not a robot - says "Greetings. What is your name?" That is how I greet other humans as well, since I am a human and not a robot. Humans (like me) like to be greeted and asked their name, and this is an efficient way of completing the procedure.
We learn that Rakak has a speech impediment. After embarrassingly introducing himself as 00130, he realizes he is totally talking to humans - not robots - and says "Oh, in that case, call me, Rakak." Those extra commas are divine inspiration, which is COW's message that Rakak stutters when he talks.
But there are no time for human pleasantries. It is time to march to battle.
But first - a loyalty test! Let's say you are on the battle field and your commander says "[If you] want to leave and head back home, I provide this moment for you to [...] leave peacefully." Do you:
(a) Think "Double you tea eff?"
(b) Leave peacefully
(c) Fall asleep
(a) is the correct answer. Fortunately, some soldiers chose (b) and (c). (Fortunate, because otherwise what we we have to write about in this chapter??) Some soldiers don't think this is a weird question and volunteer to leave. Rakak's friend - we'll call him Sleepy - falls asleep and falls over. The deserters are round up to be shot. Sleepy is also round up with them for... falling asleep? And with him go Rakak's other human friends DumbDumb and The Fool (according to the translation of their names). And with them goes Rakak.
As they are lining up to be executed, Rakak sneaks out his magick Plenarian shield to protect his friends. Good news! He protects himself, Sleepy, and The Fool. DumbDumb is now DeadDead. Should have opted for the XL shield...
The army takes off, and Rakak decides to go and rejoin. The Fool goes with him. Sleepy stays behind to... sleep. Somehow, two of the longest days have passed (if the chapter title is to be trusted, which I absolutely do with complete and blind faith). Once back with the army, they are attacked and pretty much used as toilet paper by the invaders. Rakak got 'sploded!
He should have taken advantage of his opportunity while there was still...
TIME TO TURN BACK
Honorable mention: The soldiers known as the "Death Machines" who "ate metal for breakfast and made their friends into clothes."
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Yeah I noticed the Space Marines... I mean Death Machines too! How could I not? Like... wouldn't you make your ENEMIES into clothes... not your friends? I mean, if your fashion sense dictates you simply must wear clothes made out of human skin, wouldn't it make more sense to use your enemies and not your friends? If you keep killing your friends to make them into your own personal wardrobe, wouldn't you run out of friends pretty fast?
DeleteBut on the other hand, maybe the Death Machines are robots? If that is the case, I'm assuming their friends are robots too. So their clothes would be made out of metal, which is the same thing that they eat for breakfast.
After examining both of these options, I think the robot idea makes more sense, but perhaps I should just have faith. COW will (maybe) reveal the truth to us in his own due time.
"DumbDumb is now DeadDead" LOL!!!
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